


Weird Fade Shit

by AkiRah



Category: Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Dragon Age Quest: Night Terrors, Dramatic Ironies, Gen, Genderqueer Hawke - Freeform, Here Lies the Abyss, Varric's Apology, what the nightmare told Varric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-31
Updated: 2017-07-31
Packaged: 2018-12-09 06:43:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11663730
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiRah/pseuds/AkiRah
Summary: “Once again, Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric. You found the red lyrium. You brought them here…"Varric-centric focusing on the Night Terrors Quest and his apology to Hawke afterwards, bleeding in to Here Lies The Abyss.





	Weird Fade Shit

“Have you ever _seen_ an abomination? _Uuuughly_.” Hawke had their arms crossed over their chest, looking mostly uninterested as they stared down a monster twelve feet tall if you _didn’t_ count the spiraling horns.

Varric wondered if he should be afraid. He wasn’t, Hawke wasn’t. Blondie was doing the weird glowy thing again and had stopped putting real inflection in his words. Things like this demon didn’t _exist_. They certainly didn’t break out from the inside of old elf ladies. 

The Fade. 

Weird Shit. It was happening but it felt tenuous. It felt like reading a rough draft you’d started when you were drunk. He wondered where Aveline was. They’d killed her earlier because her dead templar husband had come back thanks to the naked purple woman with the horns. 

Different horns. 

Also she had been floating.

If this was what dreaming was like, Varric couldn’t see the appeal. 

“You put such stock in appearances, maybe that’s why your friends’ loyalty only goes skin-deep. You think this dwarf would turn down an opportunity to seize a power _unknown_ to his kind?” 

Varric rolled his eyes. _Power_ , cliched and villainous. Who wrote this crap _anyway_? You wanted to twist someone you had to offer them what they didn’t _know_ they wanted. Everyone wanted power. 

“What do you say, storyteller? It’s chafed, has it not? Making your brother the hero of your own tale?” The demon wasn’t looking at Hawke any more. 

“A hero? Bartrand _betrayed_ us.” Varric huffed. His asshole brother wasn’t a _hero_ by any stretch of the imagination. 

“And came away with the treasure of the ages. With my aid you would have emerged with the _glory_ , not tarnished silver and flesh wounds.” Pride demons didn’t smile, but Varric could hear the offer in the undertone. 

He could _beat_ Bartrand. He was already smarter. He just needed an edge. 

“That’s what you’ve got? _Join me and you too can be a backstabbing bastard_?” Hawke scoffed. 

But it wasn’t _really_ Hawke, was it? This was the Fade. None of this was real anyway. “I always wanted to wipe that smirk of his face,” Varric explained, reaching up and unhooking Bianca.

“Let’s do this nice and formal then.” Something said in his ear, a warm, oily voice. 

“Hey, Varric? Please point that at the demon . . .” Hawke sounded far away. 

* * *

Varric woke up with what he thought was a hangover. He had the latent image of fire in his vision and his stomach hurt. He looked up at the thatch roof and inhaled, it smelled like the alienage. 

“Shit.” He rolled to sitting and cracked his neck. Arianni gave him a small, miserable smile and Keeper Marethari looked up from her conversation with Daisy. 

Daisy gave him a worried smile and a tiny wave. “Aveline went back to Viscount’s Keep. She seemed to want to be alone.”

Varric nodded absently and rubbed the back of his neck. “I can understand that. Are Ha,” he tripped on the name, shame sitting heavy on his tongue. “Hawke and Blondie alright?” 

“They’re still asleep.” Daisy tilted her head. “Something happened then? With the demon.” 

“Don’t really want to talk about it, Daisy.” 

She narrowed her eyes at him and he thought she was going to tell him, for the third time that day, that she wasn’t a child, but instead Daisy shrugged and brought him something that tasted like grass. She said it was tea. 

He was . . . pretty sure it was grass. 

“Do you want me to tell Hawke to meet you at the Hanged Man?” 

“No, Daisy, I’ll be here with they wake up.” He turned and counted the bolts in Bianca’s clip. Still full. Whatever _else_ might be true. He hadn’t _shot_ Hawke. Not here. Not really. 

But that didn’t make it _okay_. Hawke was a mage. The Fade was real to them. _Really_ real. 

Somehow. 

There was a sound from Feynriel’s cot and Arianni gave a strangled sound. “ _Mae?_ ”

“My son!” she threw herself forward and wrapped her arms around the boy as he started to sit up. Varric exhaled with relief and Daisy clapped her hands together quietly with delight before they both turned to look at where Hawke and Blondie were sleeping. 

Hawke was up first and propelled themself off their cot immediately, turning and catching Blondie by the shoulders as he started to move. “It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s _fine_.” They repeated. “Breathe.” 

The room went quiet. 

Blondie exhaled slowly. “Alright.” 

Hawke pressed their nose to his forehead. “Go cool off. I’ll swing by later.” They straightened and stretched as Blondie _stormed_ out. “He’ll be alright.” They looked around. They weren’t smiling. “Where’s Avvers?” 

“She went back to the Barracks,” Daisy said. “She wanted you to meet her there.” 

Hawke nodded, sucking on their back molars. “Thanks Merrill. Yeah I’ll . . . I should _probably_ do that.” They didn’t look at Varric and it stuck out. “Fuck me--sorry Arianni--I need something to drink.” 

“Well, I happen to live at the Inn.” Varric offered, forcing cheer. Hawke rubbed their bicep, where there was no evidence of a bolt having sunk deep into the tissue to interrupt their cast. “First rounds on me.” 

Hawke chewed the inside of their cheek and then nodded, still not making eye-contact. “Yeah. Gimme an hour. I need a bath and should probably make sure Avvers is . . . alright.” 

Varric nodded. “See you then.” 

He waited beyond the closed door to listen just a little longer. 

“Are you alright, Hawke?” 

“Nope!” Hawke’s cheer had an edge of desperation. “You _know_ why I left you and Fenris here. I didn’t--yeah. It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I just need time.” 

Varric left. He didn’t want to hear any more. 

* * *

An hour and a _half_ later, Hawke showed up in the Hanged Man. Varric listened to the footsteps getting closer and closer to his room and tried not to look like he’d been pacing. They had gone to talk to Aveline. To make sure she was okay after her betrayal. 

They’d killed Aveline. 

They’d probably killed _him_. 

_You know why I didn’t want to bring you or Fenris_. 

Hawke trusted all of them, except _maybe_ Rivani but that was a fond and practical mistrust. Broody was too angry, he was demon bait in a lot of ways. Daisy had _already_ cut a deal with one. But Varric and Aveline _should_ have been safe bets. 

The door opened. 

“So, you buying the first round, did that count for the _good_ stuff or just my usual?” The edge was there in Hawke’s voice. Trying to smooth things over with humor. Trying to make it okay. 

Varric exhaled. “The good stuff.” 

“Good, that’s what I got.” Hawke pushed the door closed with their foot. “Avvers’ll be alright. We . . . talked.” 

Varric nodded. “Good. Talking’s important.” He looked at the floor and then back up at them. 

This tall, lanky human with jet black hair and lyrium blue eyes, his friend. His _best_ friend. No one got him the way Hawke seemed to. No one _existed_ the way Hawke did. 

Bianca might have been Varric’s _muse_ , but Hawke was his protagonist. 

The person worth writing _about_ , not just for. 

“Listen Hawke . . .” Varric cleared his throat. “I’m so sorry about what happened, you know . . . back there.” He gestured towards the wall with his head, trying to indicate the Fade. 

Hawke nodded and took a drink, their attempt at good humor starting to wilt. “You don’t have to--”

“I need to explain,” Varric pre-empted. “And I don’t like apologizing so let me get it over with, alright?” 

Hawke nodded. 

“That whole time we were in the fade, nothing felt real. Which . . . makes sense, considering.” He rubbed the back of his neck. It sounded paltry. Petty. “Anyway, I want you to know, I could never choose a demon over you while conscious and sober.”

“So I don’t have to worry that you’ll dump me for a desire demon while you’re _sober_? Just if you’re passed out drunk.” Hawke smiled, it wasn’t a good smile, but it was trying. They took another drink. 

“I can safely say that if I’m passed out drunk I’m not _running_ anywhere.” 

Hawke snorted. “Good to know.” 

“Anyway, I’ll stop babbling now. Thanks for hearing me out.” 

“Anytime.” 

“Are _you_ alright?” Varric gestured to a chair. “Having both Aveline and I go nuts can’t have been easy.” 

Hawke shrugged. “I’ll be alright. Justice was a big help.” They shot Varric a crooked smile. “He’s the one who _actually_ knocked you conscious, by the way. I couldn’t do it.” 

“I’m flattered,” Varric said immediately and then winced. “Look, Hawke, I overheard you and Daisy talking.”

Hawke looked into their drink. “I’ll recover, Varric. Demons are tricky motherfuckers. Avvers isn’t a mage. You don’t dream _at all_. I don’t know what I expected.” 

“You expected people who love you to act like it,” Varric gave them a smile and reached over, touching their wrist. “A little naive here in Kirkwall, but not unreasonable. Blondie seemed pretty pissed off when he woke up.”

“Oh, yeah.” Hawke gave a broken chuckle. “We’re mages. If we die in the fade we die in real life.” They took a longer drink. “More or less. That was the other reason for leaving Merrill behind.” 

Varric froze, wide-eyed with horror. “Hawke I almost _killed_ you.” 

“Well, you didn’t, so we’re good.” 

“Andraste’s Ass, _never_ take me there again,” Varric pulled a hand over his face. “I love you too much for this shit.” 

Hawke laughed, actually laughed. “You love me too much to go into the Fade with me?” They pushed their tankard at him. “I love you _too_ by the way.” 

“Hawke, at this rate next time we both end up in the Fade you’ll die.” Varric emptied the tankard. “Anyway, you came here to get drunk and I’d be happy to oblige.” 

* * *

_“Once again, Hawke is in danger because of you, Varric,"_ Smiley’s voice was as dry as old wood and it crackled in his ear. _"You found the red lyrium. You brought them here…"_. 

"Keep talking, Smiley," Varric growled. Hawke's hand settled on his shoulder and when he looked up they grinned at him. Invincible together.

He was the first one up the hill, turning when he reached the rift to motion the others threw. Chuckles darted past him, then The Iron Bull. He watched Smiley come down between them and where Hawke was standing with Stroud and the Warden. 

He went through and waited, staring at a strip of space that made his head hurt. 

He waited. 

Stroud came through and then the Inquisitor. She pulled the rift closed behind her and Varric looked around. “Where’s Hawke?” He cleared his throat and looked right at her. “ _Where’s Hawke_?” 


End file.
